The Life & Loves of A Stepmum

 

I’m not a biological mother.

And being a stepmum? It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Not because I don’t love Christian's children—because I do. But because it

brings up edges I didn’t know I had.

 

When I first joined Christian and Charlotte’s world, I walked into a family dynamic very different from the one I grew up with. Christian was raised with freedom—true freedom. We’re talking about self-governance as a child, relaxed boundaries and a belief in letting children figure things out for themselves. Which, in theory, sounds wonderful.

 

Until you’re suddenly living with a fiercely independent four-year-old and a dad who doesn't seem to have any boundaries… and you’re “just” the stepmum wondering where your say fits in. I struggled with the lack of structure. And I struggled being in a house that didn't seem to have any rules.  She’s here a lot but she's not mine. And sometimes she needed a mum. But I couldn't work out where the lines were. 

 

I felt like the wicked stepmum having my boundaries. I had no privacy. It felt like we were living in a world where Charlotte set the tone and we all followed along. On one hand, she was self-governing and on the other she was having everything done for her. I was so confused. And in the process, I was trying to work out what my feelings were about when they bubbled up and burst out like an uninvited guest. My Projector Not-Self sign of bitterness would consume me, but what it was doing was highlighting an area in which I could choose to grow. 

 

It wasn’t that anyone was wrong. In fact, that was part of the confusion—no one was. We were just… different. And when you love people, you don’t walk away from difference. You lean in and learn. And so that’s what I did.

 

I began to observe.

To really watch.

 

I realised no one’s feelings should outweigh another’s—not mine, not his, not hers. We all deserve to be seen. And when I really saw them, I couldn’t help but smile. They were joyful. Loving. Playful. Charlotte was never moody or rude. She was free. He was caring. This was how he showed love-and he loves deeply. The laughter in our home was constant. It was real. And somewhere deep inside, I recognised I was jealous.

 

I didn't have that kind of connection with my dad. I didn't have the freedom of choice. And watching them cracked something open in me. It triggered resentment—but only because it touched something tender. When I was away from them, I missed them. But when I returned, my mood shifted. I brought the weather with me and not the sunny kind.

 

But here’s the kicker—Christian’s life theme is about giving people space to be themselves. And Charlotte’s? She’s actually here to provoke change in others. I mean… how can I do anything but watch in admiration as they so beautifully lived to their designs?

 

They’re both Manifesting Generators. They bounce off each other like sunbeams in a mirror. And I? A Projector—here to watch, guide and grow at my own pace-needing my own space-we’re different by design, literally. And now that I understand that, everything feels lighter.

 

Has it taken time? Oh yes. Nine years, if you’re counting (and believe me, I have). But since discovering Human Design, I’ve softened. I’ve started to admire instead of resist. I’ve become more tolerant, more grounded and finally—more me.

 

These two MGs, with all their energy and wild beauty, have become my greatest teachers.

And I’m finally learning to play the game—not just by their rules, but with my own grace.